My Eyes Are Old

For the first time in years, I went to the eye doctor. Sure, I needed to go, but this trip was a direct result of Dale accidentally throwing out my last pair of contacts that I had stored in small mint julep cups (obviously, those were my contacts, I mean, what was he thinking?). My new health insurance has eye coverage if you use the WalMart vision centers, so a few weeks ago, I went to my appointment.

My first not-knowing-what-to-expect attitude quickly changed to an omg-get-me-out-of-this-bootleg-operation as the doctor measured my eyes with several ruler-like devices before traumatizing me with at least six air puffs to each eye to test eye pressure. This Air Puff test is one thing that I'm really not good at. Needles, giving blood, teeth cleanings, and various other minimally invasive medical procedures are no issue, but I'm equally terrified and incapable of doing the simple test. After I considered leaving while my eyes were being pulverized by air, we went into the office for several tests during which really bright lights were shined at me until my eyes quivered and watered to the point that we had to stop.

The doctor told me I had sensitive eyes. Right, it's my fault.

Then things got better. After the very, very thourough exam, the doctor took a lot of time to tell me what was actually wrong with my eyes and even giving me some exercises to strengthen them. She was really nice, and I began to think that maybe all appointments should be this tough because they made for a very complete report.

She told me my eyes were "iso" rather than "exo" which means that they have a tendency to turn in. Anyone who's seen my embarrassing baby pictures knows that I had a lazy eye when I was born, so that makes sense. Then she said that with my unique combination of substantial near-sightedness and "iso," I could use some mild reading glasses. Yep, reading glasses. My eyes are old.

The doctor also told me that I have some condition that makes me sleepy when I read (which is true), so she was kinda impressed when I said I taught English and read books and papers for a living. I took it to mean that I've overcome my physical limitations to do what I love. Since I wasn't expecting inspiration from the eye doctor, I considered the visit a success, even though my eyes were very glad that it was over.

And I got some cute, black, cat-eye reading glasses out of the deal.